Back to life, back to reality...

I really can't believe I haven't posted anything since May.  There is no good excuse, really, except for "LIFE."  I have continued working on my book.  I made huge revisions and it's so much better.  Huge thanks to everyone who read my drafts and gave me such great feedback!  I've also written five versions of my query letter.  My husband finds that hilarious.  I remind him how many times he goes over the taxes every year before he sends them off.  I guess we're even.

So the big book-related news is...  I am ready to query!  ARGH!  Just putting that in writing is terrifying.  This is a huge jump, and one that I've kept putting off.  Honestly I could have queried at the beginning of December but it seemed kind of pointless.  I wanted to focus on the holidays with my kids, and I knew a lot of agents aren't even in their offices at the end of the year, so I talked myself into waiting until January.  Which is now here.  So it's time, my friends.  Cross your fingers and say a little prayer for me, because this is seriously scary.

Also, a quick update on "LIFE" since May.  I really have been busy, I promise.  I revised and revised and finished my book.  I wrote my query letter.  And amazingly, we had some things happen that weren't related to my book!  (Unbelievable, I know.)  Probably the biggest thing is that we are expecting Baby #4 in March, and it's a little girl!  We are super excited, especially the boys.  They can't wait to have a new baby.  So far their name suggestions have ranged from "Barbie" to "Baby" to "Pink Barbie" to the names of all their little friends.  Slightly less than helpful, but I do adore their enthusiasm.

We've done lots of house projects.  The kids have been busy with school and church and trips to the emergency room.  Ben had his first ride in an ambulance on Saturday.  Considering how accident-prone the child is, I'm amazed he made it to 7 1/2 before that fun experience.  Happily everything is fine, but we are not looking forward to the medical bills.

I am resolved to do better with my blog posting in the new year.  My other goal is to figure out this Twitter thing.  I have an account and I follow exactly one contact:  the Bear River Health Department.  I signed up last year to get a heads up on when the flu shots were available.  Having a 2 year old with asthma will make you paranoid like that.  So if anyone has any Twitter tips, I would greatly appreciate them!

Treat it like it matters

Life has been busy lately, and I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted!  We took a spontaneous vacation to the California and Oregon coast, and we had a wonderful time.  I really enjoy road trips and our new giant party van made the drive much more enjoyable.  Of course, once we got home, it took a week or two just to get caught up.  And I've been working on my book.  A lot.  Which brings me to the subject of this post.

My husband is very supportive of my desire to write.  But he's all about efficiency and results, and he has been really pushing me to fnish.  And he's right- I do tend to procrastinate when I feel blocked.  Steve says I'm a perfectionist and eventually I'm just going to have to say the thing is done and send it off.  Again, he's right (although we're not there yet).  But there are SO MANY things I need to do that all too often, I push the writing back.  I end up only working at night, and sometimes I'm so exhausted that I go to bed instead of writing.  And so the time slips away and everything takes longer than I intended and two years later, I'm still working on this "masterpiece."

So last Friday, we were making a list of all the things we wanted to accomplish over the weekend and through Monday evening.  It's spring and our new house has a massive yard, so most of our items were yard-related.  (Till the garden, buy seeds, plant the garden, change the oil in the tiller, mow the lawn, etc.)  Jokingly I said "Hey, put "Finish Steph's book" on that list.  So Steve wrote it down.  And then he said "You better finish it by Monday, because it's on the list!" 

I didn't finish by Monday.  (In my defense, Steve didn't finish either- we were up all night Sunday with a sick four-year old and he went to bed last night instead of finishing up his items.)  But here's what changed.

I GAVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO TREAT MY WRITING LIKE IT MATTERS.

While Steve worked in the yard Saturday, I sat on the couch and revised my book.  I wanted to be outside.  But I took prime daylight, weekend hours and devoted them to my writing.  This was partly inspired by Nathan Bransford's post about "Butt In Chair."  Once again, Mr. Bransford made me think and totally inspired me.  But it was a complete shift in perspective, and one that I really needed.  If I am serious about being a writer, I need to treat my work like it matters.  I need to make time for it.  I need to push through the moments when I really DO NOT want to write, and write anyway.  I revised three long, help-needing chapters and I made a lot of progress, and I'm continuing to work every day.  I can see how the story is coming together.  And it's good.  That makes me excited and it builds my confidence.

We all have dreams- something we want to do, but we keep putting it off because we have to do laundry or weed the flowerbed or go to a PTA meeting.  But here's my advice.  Treat it like it matters.  Because it does.

Things that make me happy today

• No more strep throat!  YAY!
• New Gossip Girl episode tonight.  Only been waiting since DECEMBER (stupid CW and their huge long breaks).  But check out the preview here.  I can't wait for all of the trashy goodness!
• It's almost 50 degrees outside and my kids are riding their bikes.  Peace for Mommy.
• Did I mention it's almost 50 degrees outside?

Let's catch up, shall we?

My apologies for the gap in posting.  As usual, life at my house is far from predictable.  Last Thursday, I was happily slashing away at my word count when I heard my 4-year old screaming.  I reached his room just in time to see him sit up in bed and projectile-vomit all over his pillow.  That was a happy surprise.  I pulled him off his bunk bed and raced to the bathroom, and we made it in time for Round 2.  My darling hubby is not great at waking up.  Trying to be helpful, he stumbled into the hall and asked if I needed help; his words were so slurred that he sounded like he'd just come home from the bar.  I asked him to get some water, so darling vomiting child could rinse his mouth.  Hubby, still not yet awake, blinked at me and asked, "In a bucket?"

The night was obviously going well.

Not much writing has happened since then.  After pulling all the pukey sheets off the bed (because hubby has a crazy gag reflex and I really didn't need two of them bent over the toilet), I spent the night sleeping on a mattress on the floor with 4-yo and a large bowl, and I woke up every time he coughed.  He was sick all day Friday, and I had to go pick up 6-yo from school because his tummy hurt.  Of course, 6-yo spent the rest of the day running around like a crazy man and playing Nintendo, but always insisting that yes, he really was sick.

By Monday I thought things were getting better.  I sent 6-yo to school, and 4-yo to preschool.  Then Tuesday afternoon, 6-yo's teacher called and asked me to come pick him up from school again.  He had crashed and burned since afternoon recess and was adamant he wouldn't make it home on the bus.  Now 6-yo had told me that morning that his throat hurt, but after the Friday fiasco I was skeptical.  He was awfully bouncy to be sick, and told me he was fine to go to school.

When I arrived at his school Tuesday afternoon, he was resting in the office.  As soon as I saw him, I knew he wasn't faking this time.  He was shivering and pale, and when I touched his forehead, he was burning up.  I loaded him into our awesome mini-van and he cried because he was cold.  By the time we made it home (about a 7-minute drive) he was asleep.  I hauled him inside, which isn't easy because the kid is SOLID, and dumped him in my bed with about seven blankets.  He slept for a few hours.  Then he started crying, ran to the bathroom, and puked.

Okay, now despite his one complaint about his throat hurting, which had made me suspect strep, I figured that puking was something else.  6-yo was also saying that he had a terrible headache.  Now go to the Mayo Clinic Symptom Checker website.  Terrible headache, a bump on the head the day before (his friend tackled him on the playground- on pavement, of course), fever, and vomiting... Brings up a bunch of scary results like meningitis, subdural hematoma, and brain tumor.  GREAT.  Mommy is so relieved.  Daddy convinces her that a trip to the emergency room is not yet required.

Wednesday.  6-yo is doing a little better and I'm thinking maybe we're getting over this weird, nasty stomach bug.  Until I start getting a fever.  And my throat starts hurting.  And I'm thinking, "Crap!  It's strep throat!"  Which is one thing my family has always been susceptible to, and I know it when it hits.  Turns out that in little kids, they often don't complain as much about their throat hurting; instead, they have headaches and vomit.  Moral of the story:  I hit the doctor's office Thursday morning (with crazy fever, a throat so sore I can't swallow, and golfball-sized glands in my neck) and he puts the whole family on antibiotics.  Even though 4-yo and 6-yo seem to be doing much better, he wants to make sure that nasty strep is gone.  Hubby gets it too, since his throat is getting scratchy.  Luckily he never got overly sick and was back to normal by yesterday.  And boy was I grateful for him- he worked from home both days and took care of the kids while I crashed on the couch and groaned a lot.

Today hubby took the three boys snowmobiling with Grandpa and cousins.  They'll ride up the hill and sled back down.  Since I hate snow, I'm not overly depressed that my illness kept me home.  Instead, I'm going to use the quiet to work on my book, since it's been neglected during our fun family adventure.  I'm hoping to actually get something accomplished, although right now my pillow is calling my name.

.... or get off the pot

You can fill in the blank, right?

I started my book on March 9, 2008.  That's the date on the top of my very first braintstorming page.  I hadn't read an actual BOOK for FUN in a very long time.  (Because of course college text books and Newsweek and Curious George don't count, right?)  In February, I went to Las Vegas with my husband on a business trip.  While he was off touring the transit center, I read Twilight in the hotel room, and I remembered why I loved reading so much when I was younger and had more time to myself.  I also remembered that dream of someday writing a book, that I'd figured would have to wait until my kids were older.

Discussing Twilight is another post subject.  But after I finished the book, I was curious about the author and visited Stephenie Meyer's blog.  Well, wowza!  It only took her three months to write the book and three more to get a book deal!  And with three little boys about the same ages as mine.  Dang it, I'm a good writer; surely I could do the same!  I was gonna send off my manuscript by July!

Here we are nearly two years later.  No book deal.  No query letters.  Wasn't I supposed to be rich by now?

Life happens.  It's been a very busy two years.  We rented our house and moved to a new one.  My kids got older; my oldest is in school now.  Steve blew out his ACL and had surgery; recovery was much longer and more involved than expected.  We've had stitches, strep throat, the flu, assorted other illnesses, and my youngest was diagnosed with asthma.  Good things, bad things, but all of them time-consuming.  And brain-power-consuming.

Everything has taken longer than expected.  And that's not bad.  Family comes first.  But lately I've been having some interesting conversations with people in my life.

Steve:  So when are you sending off your book?
Me:  Gosh, quit nagging me!  I've been busy, okay?
Steve:  I was just asking.  Gosh!

Mom:  I think your book is good enough.  You should send it off.
Me:  Good enough?!  No way!  There's still so much I need to fix!  I can't send it off til it's perfect!
Mom:  (Long silence on other end of the phone.)  It's fine.
Me:  Whatever!  It's so not fine!  For example,  (And I proceed to list everything still wrong.)

Friend Ami:  So how's that book coming?

Friend Lisa:  So how's that book coming?

Friend Mary:  So how's that book coming?

Sister Becky:  So how's that book coming?

Maybe it's time to quit fretting over every comma, finish editing the damn thing, and get my query letter written.  Maybe it's time to start seeing if this is actually going to go anywhere.  Maybe it's time to quit being so scared of disappointment that I just keep procrastinating the Day of Reckoning.

Maybe it's time to get off the pot.